Dear $username Error No Primary Key!,

Thanks for taking the time to contact us regarding our service and associated smartphone and tablet apps.  We note your concern about (cross out those which do not apply) our app silently uploading data from your mobile device to our servers / the security oversight which allows private images to be viewable by modifying the URL / the recent publication of all our users’ private information on PasteBin / our recent EULA amendment in which you granted us copyright over everything about you.

I wanted to personally reassure you of two things; firstly we consider your privacy our most important priority and we openly embrace our responsibilities with regards to your personal information, and secondly we are incorporated in Belize and subject only to the privacy laws of that jurisdiction.

With regards to your specific complaint, I wanted to explain just a couple of key points about how we provide our free service to you.  We use industry best-practice ROT13 encryption to protect credit card details in our database, which is the most recent version of database (2010).  In terms of information security we have been rated as a Best Of Web “Safe Site” and there is a padlock in the bar thingy when you visit us.  We have even recently taken the unprecedented step of separating your text posts from your images into what our tech wiz gurus call the “Deedrive” and “Eedrive” to ensure private data separation - in simple terms, this means that the only organisations that can ever view all your data together is us, our affiliates, their affiliates and their selected partners.

So you spoke and we listened.  Thanks for taking the time to contact us and remember that our terms of service explicitly forbid you from talking to the technology media about our products and services on penalty of permanent account suspension.

Regards,

Rick

Personal Information Evangelist and Chief Advertising Officer